Saturday, August 4, 2012

Super Shark: I lose the will to live

It has been a glorious Summer at SyFy, and for us, humanity, since there have been many new and repeat shark movies on the network.  I recently noticed an odd smell coming from my DVR and deduced it was because Super Shark was on there...So instead of claiming the odor was because I had just cooked up a medley of brussels sprouts and broccoli, I decided to end a craptacular week with viewing this craptacular movie. 
Super Shark Review
Normally I would record each nuance, each meaningful moment, but this one sort of sucked the life out of me, sort of like the salt monster in Star Trek but without the cupping marks on my face afterwards.
So here it is:
1. The theme is sort of like from a 1970s  action movie only with the lyrics Super Shark!  Super Shark!  Super Shark! 
2. Did you know sharks can move around on land by doing The Worm?  Truth.
3. So the plot is basically this: crap happens, bikini clad babes get chomped and an actor from a long ago cancelled series tries to 'act".  In this case, John Schneider.
4. You guys, John Schneider has GREAT hair.  I am jealous since my hair is thinning.  DAMN YOU ESTROGEN!  Come back to me!
5. At the end of the movie Bo Duke is interviewed by reporter played by some chick who is so botoxed that it is leeching out of her and paralyzing everything within a five mile radius. He played some sort of oil company owner and she asks him what he will do next.  The last line of the movie is him looking at the camera and saying "Drill, baby, drill".  I guess it is supposed to be chilling but it is so hilarious that I did a spit take with my Diet Peach Snapple.  Then I was sad since Diet Peach Snapple is awesome and to lose any of it in such a tragic manner is UNACCEPTABLE. 
6. I love you, IMDB because upon looking up Bo Duke's 'movies' there is THIS coming from SYFY:
Return of the Killer Shrews
"The '59 film, The Killer Shrews, found a group of folks on an island with the ravenous beasts. This time James Best's ship captain is hired by a reality crew to return to the island guessed it, the shrews attack again."
Life now has meaning. 

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