So given my recent life-decision to stop watching Dancing With the Stars (Nancy Grace?!?!??? Really???) I have been casting about for a new source upon which to shower my love. Oh sure, I could try for more human contact and be social, but why wouldn’t want to spend my time on a Saturday night with my 5 cats instead? I see you agree with me.
Imagine my joy when I discovered Celebrity Cook-off on the Food Network, with Rachaeeaeaeaeaeaeieieiol Ray and Guy Fieri (who has the same hair as the Cold Miser, so from now on that is what I will call him. Because otherwise I have to go through a mental algorithm of white-haired guys [Edgar Winter, Gandalf when he was Gandalf the White] and then stratify by spike-hair (this Guy guy and Spike from Buffy) versus non-spike. This takes TIME, people! So just assuming all guys with pale spiky hair are the Cold Miser makes life easier. And I am all about making life easier which is why I am teaching my cats how to vacuum the house. So far, no success.
Where was I again? Oh, yes, Celebrity Cook Off. CCO. You would think a ‘celebrity’ show has people you do not know. OH NO my friends. Not this one. Oh. No. This one has…JOEY FATONE! JJOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEYYY!!!! And Miss America (or, more accurately, Miss Spindly Arms USA), some Olympics chick, Taylor Dayne (who claims she had 17 hits. I do not remember most of her songs so I am assuming she was referring to ‘hits’ like when you play Battleship), Cheech Marin, Lou Diamond Philips (LDP, for those of us who are ‘hip’ or in my case have osteoporotic hips), some boy band guy I never heard of, Coolio and some other people.
So let’s start the issues with the first show, which was last Sunday. Since it is on on Sundays as is football, I plan to tailgate the next show. With my cats. Hahaha! Nothing sad about that!
Coolio thought he would do well because he has written cook books!!! (really) But the person eliminated was the random boy band guy. He ‘made’ (I use that term VERY loosely) macaroni salad with ranch dressing and Tabasco sauce to have it be a buffalo style macaroni salad. Now I shall pause so you can take care of whatever gastrointestinal distress you are now experiencing just thinking about that. Trust me, the visual was even worse. Gack.
LDP won (I think….I am still trying to recover from even typing out the words to describe that macaroni salad) for BOILING ribs and putting barbecue sauce on them. Yes, my friends he called them ‘turbo ribs’ and for some reason kept talking with a Spanish accent. The ‘celebrities’ also had to entertain the guests at the picnic event they were cooking their crap for. They were split into two teams, one was with Racheeaaaeeaaaeaeaeael Ray, the other team was with the Cold Miser. So the Cold Miser’s team decided to have a piñata as their entertainment for the event. Again, I will have to pause here….this time to ponder the fact that a group of adults planned on a piñata as entertainment at an event…attended by adults. But this was deemed a good idea because Cold Miser said (and I am not making this up) “Everybody rocks the piñata!!!” and then he exploded. Haha! OK, so the last part was not true but it would have been awesome if he exploded into a mass of bones and white spiky hair. Awesome.
I love this show.