Monday, January 23, 2012

Celebrity Cook Off: episode numbeEAAUUGHGH!!‏

Hi all,

Cheddar the cat here.

My human was supposed to write this recap but all she has been doing this morning is running around the house yelling “PATSPATSPATS! EAUUGHHOOOIIEEEEEE! GRONK!!! PATS!!! BLERGH! PUUUUUUUUUUUUNT!! HAHAHA!!” Weird, huh? I think she is worked up over a sports event on TV. My brother and I bat a paper ball around all the time and she does not get worked up about that so I am not sure what the deal is with televised sports rather than watching actual cats hurl themselves at each other and run way harder than the TV humans did. Eh. I did not want to watch CCO anyway…I was trying to recover from having to watch Snow Monster on SyFy on Saturday. It was not even a CGI monster…it was a guy in a mangy white fur suit! I think Snow Monster needed to go to the pet groomer to get a nice wash and maybe a trim. Heheh, it would have been awesome if the movie was about how Snow Monster got captured and taken to a groomer who made him look like a poodle. THAT is a movie I would watch. It would be almost as good as watching bird videos on the computer….

Anymew, on to CCO. Is it animal cruelty that I had to watch this show? Yes.

We open with Joey Fatone feeling sad that another ‘celebrity’ was eliminated. My human loves Joey Fatone. Why? Does he have a lot of pets at home? Because if he does, then that would make him awesome. Unless he had, like 300 cats, then he would be on Animal Hoarders and not CCO. My human has lots of cats. This makes Daisy, the mean old lady cat in our house, cranky. She hisses at me a lot some days. Who knows why, since I am so darn cute. A mystery. Although not as mysterious as Coolio’s shirt (AWESOME segueway, no?). It is a t-shirt which has one sleeve cut off…for no reason. This baffles me, so I will lick my paw furiously to alleviate my stress.. (LICK LICK LICK).

Ah, better now.

So the challenge this week is to run a lunch truck. How hard can that be? Just drive a truck to the grocery store, buy lots of cat food, open the can of Fancy Feast and plop it in the bowl. What’s that? The truck is for human food and not cat food? Oh. My bad. Now I see the issue here because even with opposable thumbs, these people cannot cook. They have to cook THREE items! Panic ensues. Really, I did not think humans could count that high. Hahaha! Cat joke! I kill me. One item has to be on a stick (maybe a tasty mouse?), one item in a bun and the third item in a wrap. Coolio seems abnormally happy about this and does what he describes as his “Michael Jackson dance” which looks sort of like the time I got stuck in a shopping bag handle and leaped around until my human rescued me. She thought it was funny. I did not. Whose with me on this, people? Yep, NOT funny. Now I have to do another emergency paw lick to ease the pain of that terrifying memory. (liiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiieeeeck).

One scene shows a contemplative LPD with the wind rustling through his feathered hair. I am transfixed. How many times a day does he have to lick that to keep it clean? Probably a lot.

Coolio and Joey are paired off. Coolio says he wants to make egg rolls which Joey says it TOO MUCH to do! How is this a stick, bun or wrap you may ask yourself? Well, just don’t ask yourself that. LDP, Taylor and Olympics chick are in another truck. RacheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeePATSaal tells them to make sloppy joes and suggests they add tequila, bourbon or “whatever” into the sauce. I strongly recommend the whatever. Olympic chick wants to make a veggie wrap. The rest of the team is horrified because it is ‘healthy crap’ and Taylor points out that they are in New York where people only want a sausage sandwich at a lunch truck. Huh? So they decide to make a sausage wrap which Olympic chick says she will make healthy (which she does later in the show by putting cheese on it). RacheeOMGaal tells her team to ‘take it to the streets’! That is good because every street in NY has a Duane Reade drug store on it so it will be easier for the customers of the lunch truck to find a convenient source for Rolaids.

While the teams are picking out their supplies for the lunch trucks, Joey and Coolio decide to psych out LDP by standing next to him and dancing the Robot. Seriously humans….I am confused. What is wrong with you?!?? Why do you do such strange things?????

Coolio is putting cheese in his egg rolls. Eew. I woud much rather eat cardboard, which I actually am these days. My human has a box for us to sit in but the corners of it are quite yummy so I am eating them. Deeelicious!! We then watch a rather lengthy part of the show where the ‘celebs’ (BTW, who are these celebs? I thought there would be well known stars like Garfield or that dog from The Artist on the show, but it is just silly humans. L ) run around and use cooking terms like “turkey”, “cook”, and “the bomb”. Then customers show up….and by customers I am guessing these are humans who were paid to eat at these trucks and signed a detailed release form to indemnify the show against loss of intestines. Hey, I used the word ‘indemnify’! I will now nap for several hours because using big words is EXHAUSTING.

Ahhh…back now. We are treated to a montage of people tasting the ‘food’. Not as good as the montages that were on Baywatch though. My human stopped running around the house yelling SUPER BOWL SUPER BOWL (what is it a large bowl full of kibble? I would like that.) long enough to point out that there is a tag hanging out of the back of Taylor’s top. Is this CCO or Fashion Police (LUV you, Joan)? Now my human has confused me. Am I supposed to comment on how Joey’s head band makes him look even more dreamy (my human typed that, NOT me) or that LDP’s hat makes the side feathers on his hair stick out at an odd angle? Who knows. Cold Miser just commented on how he ate raw meat from one truck. After all the crap he ate on that unhealthy diner show, how would he even know at this point? Although raw mouse meat sounds sort of good to me…..

Joey uses a megaphone to get more hapless people over to their truck. I need to get a megaphone…imagine using that to meow in my human’s face at 2 am.!! That would be sooo much fun (Lisa: You will NOT do that….I am taking away your credit card now!!!). Humans are mean. Racheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeICANTSTOPeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeal and Cold Miser like Joey’s bacon wrapped shrimp on a stick and they discuss how DIFFICULT it is to make that. Really? You know what is difficult??? Staying awake for more than 2 hours a day. THAT is difficult. No cat can do it.

And the winning team is JOEY and Coolio! Coolio’s egg roll with cheese was, the Cold Miser said, “the bomb dish of the event”. New York people, bow your heads in shame. I was going to suggest a punishment, but the permanent gastric damage you suffered is probably bad enough. Cold Miser keeps using the word ‘bomb’. I often use the word ‘bum’ because I lick mine a lot. Sorry….Too much info?

The two people going to the elimination round are Taylor and Olympic chick. They have to make an amuse bouche (which is human speak for ‘funny dog’ …oops, sorry that is amuse pooch). Taylor is confused because she is a moron. Olympic chick put cheese into a premade tart shell and slapped a fig on top. It is funny watching Cold Miser put a tiny piece of food into his giant head. Taylor put a piece of fig and some ham onto a piece of bread. Olympic chick is eliminated. Oh, who cares. Next week’s challenge they are told will be DIFFICULT. Maybe they will be forced to cook something edible.

Well, I am signing off now. I have to go stare intently at a random spot on the wall for a while. This makes my human get stressed and she looks for a bug or leak that is NOT there. HAHA! FUN! It is only a small amount of the payback I am issuing for her making me watch this show. If I have to watch it again I will be MAD.



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